We are welcoming Ramadan, the holy month, which is coming tomorrow. I would be very glad to contemplate and, if I can, change myself into a better lady. My biggest enemy is always my own self and since I realize so many ugly stuff I’m always carrying around, I intend to reduce them by baby steps. Perhaps to talk more decent, to learn to accept and let go, to keep my hopes lower about certain things.
Disappointment is casual these days and what can I expect? Life.
One thing I need to blast off is how observant of me whenever I read or see something I disagree – mostly about relationships, people, love. They make me sick and I should stop. I really have to clear my mind and sit back and enjoy the coffee, and again – learn to take a breath and let go.
P.S. Today is the first time of my entire 3 decades of life to ever lead in a prayer. There had always been a man to do that for sure but for some reasons, just a few hours ago, I did.
There’s something intriguing about having a past as part as our lives. The way it always lingers in everywhere we go and every person we meet. It simply is your shadow, luring around trying to be within your name, boasting angry lullabies and shameful failures. People might discover them so soon and make personal judgments despite they fully know about it or not.
People have the rights to stay once they like how you are made of by your past. And, surely, leave when they loathe it.
J: He was my salvation.
L: No. I don’t want to know. Not now. You are Julia Russell from Wilmington, Delaware. You were born the day you stepped off that boat … and became my wife.
(Original Sin, 2001)
Only one thing can conquer all the irrelevant details about your past. It’s love. Because to love is to accept. And to accept means taking anything – anything – the past, the present, the future, however sad, however nasty. (All the good things are of course easily acceptable.)
If you love someone, then you love his past. His mistakes. His flaws. His weakness. They are inevitably part of you, the moment you decide to commit him for you to stay with.
Love will guarantee you being happy just by being a whole person completing the other person’s life, without being demanded to ever change and become a different persona.
We should all be grateful to have an accepting and growing love – if you have already found it, which I’m sure you have – for it is one of the natural substances of a human being … so cherish it and never take it for granted.
The little things might be insignificant but they might even help you staying away from insanity. Such little things like good classic songs, praises from people around you, or that old colleagues with whom you can laugh together.
Soundtrack: I Will Go To You Like The First Snow by Ailee (from 도깨비)
Even laughing together completes everything – it can mean you have things in common to see how the world works in a similar way. Not everyone is blessed to meet that one special person, not even as friends. Some people are not blessed for their nasty fate on that area.
What I mean to say is, I always find little things special. They are named little by people, not by me, therefore we are never in a right position to judge someone else. Life is art: if nobody understands you then you just need to keep on going hard – as long as you don’t hurt anyone or break the laws – things, no matter how small and slight for else to see, is always an accomplishment.