The Past

There’s something intriguing about having a past as part as our lives. The way it always lingers in everywhere we go and every person we meet. It simply is your shadow, luring around trying to be within your name, boasting angry lullabies and shameful failures. People might discover them so soon and make personal judgments despite they fully know about it or not.

People have the rights to stay once they like how you are made of by your past. And, surely, leave when they loathe it.

J: He was my salvation.
L: No. I don’t want to know. Not now. You are Julia Russell from Wilmington, Delaware. You were born the day you stepped off that boat … and became my wife.
(Original Sin, 2001)

Only one thing can conquer all the irrelevant details about your past. It’s love. Because to love is to accept. And to accept means taking anything – anything – the past, the present, the future, however sad, however nasty. (All the good things are of course easily acceptable.)

If you love someone, then you love his past. His mistakes. His flaws. His weakness. They are inevitably part of you, the moment you decide to commit him for you to stay with.

Love will guarantee you being happy just by being a whole person completing the other person’s life, without being demanded to ever change and become a different persona.

We should all be grateful to have an accepting and growing love – if you have already found it, which I’m sure you have – for it is one of the natural substances of a human being … so cherish it and never take it for granted.

Insignificance

The little things might be insignificant but they might even help you staying away from insanity. Such little things like good classic songs, praises from people around you, or that old colleagues with whom you can laugh together.

Soundtrack: I Will Go To You Like The First Snow by Ailee (from 도깨비)

Even laughing together completes everything – it can mean you have things in common to see how the world works in a similar way. Not everyone is blessed to meet that one special person, not even as friends. Some people are not blessed for their nasty fate on that area.

What I mean to say is, I always find little things special. They are named little by people, not by me, therefore we are never in a right position to judge someone else. Life is art: if nobody understands you then you just need to keep on going hard – as long as you don’t hurt anyone or break the laws – things, no matter how small and slight for else to see, is always an accomplishment.

Love in Marriage

If love – according to “religious” folks – is not required to begin and live a marriage life, why is it that any issues about it always contain at least one solution related to romantic relationship?

Example 1.

Natalia and Andika are hit by a boredom in their marriage. Having no children, they live their daily routines from waking up in the morning, to going to work, then to going home in the evening, as plainly usual. They still talk, laugh, or watch TV together – so the monotony feeling starts to hit.
People will advise: try to do the fun stuff you used to do before you got married (or the beginning of the marriage), to build again warmth and affection.

Example 2.

Imelda is terribly sad to have recently caught her husband, Hendi, often communicates with his ex-girlfriend through a modern messaging application. While communication is not a problem, she is annoyed that Hendi keeps dropping affectionate words and mischievous acts to that woman. He turns angry when confronted and adds that Imelda has no right to checks on his phone without his permission, and since all her prejudices have no basis, he does not consider this as a crucial thing to discuss.
People will advise: the wife is probably becoming less intimate in daily basis (or in bed) so the husband flirts in the outcome. Try to be more passionate about being together, as a just-married couple. Try to be gentle and warm towards your partner. For husbands, be aware that sometimes the grass indeed is greener – but nevertheless, be grateful for what you have. With gratitude, your life will be more valuable.

Example 3.

Caring for her children makes Nadia physically weary. She is tired with her office works – then gets home to still take care of her little two. Cooking, washing, and everything. When Daud, her husband, returned, he doesn’t feel so good to see the cluttered house. Even Nadia’s appearance is. He was not welcomed properly, and she speaks as needed. Daud is gradually suspicious that his existence is no longer wanted.
People will advise: speak from the heart, in the bed perhaps, before falling asleep. Hug your wife/husband. Declare your emotions. Try to understand the advantages and disadvantages to each other. Communicate more. Then end with sex. Isn’t sex one of the “elixirs” in solving the marriage problems?

I do not need to say more – there is a million solutions addressing a marriage’s complications, but this one keyword is surely guaranteed to be listed – and even my belief also advises: in building a marriage commitment, the attitude of love is an essential absolute.

The attitude of love in reality is usually done by those who are in the early phases of romantic relationships, where being sweet and affectionate to each other becomes their daily diet. Things that actually happen naturally between people who love each other. The problem is, so many people get married by ignoring the existence of love – especially those who are more concerning on other factors (which I need not mention one-on-one). If they can practice love during the high and dry of marriage days, it would be very nice. But if not, then be careful, because the absence of love would be a determinant in the viability of the fate of romantic relationships, a.k.a marriage relationship.